– Tiffany is a holistic psychotherapist providing counseling in Woodland Hills (West Valley). She specializes in women’s empowerment related to self-esteem, self-confidence, and relationship issues. Her writing, public speaking, and teaching endeavors are dedicated to helping others elevate consciousness and well-being. Find out more about Tiffany here.
Take Care
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self preservation and that is an act of political warfare” – Audre Lorde
I always loved myself but found it hard to take care of myself. In fact, in complete denial or ignorance, the notion of self-care evaded me. For years, we only crossed paths when I hit rock bottom; when I sizzled, fizzled, and burned out. Only then would I, out of pure obligation, take a moment to focus on taking care of myself. Like heroines in my past, my mission for greatness and sometimes perfection, motivated and propelled me forward. But with no notion of taking care of myself, I had no energy to refuel after such propelling. My love for myself inspired moments of peace but I was far from an effective routine. My love for God inspired moments of calm, but chaos ruled my life. My life was scorched with suffering. This time period was also interspersed with euphoria, adventures, passions, and great loves that kept me sane during this rocky time in my life. My family’s support, some amazing friends, and my spirituality kept me afloat at times of desperation.
But none of this was enough to stop the cycle of exhaustion, depression, and anxiety. My chaos drowned my peace. My soul was seeking a shift and prompted me to explore Eastern philosophy. I always had an affinity for Eastern philosophy like Buddhism and remember checking out the book, “Mediation for Dummies” from the public library when I was ten. Several times I tried to start a yoga or workout routine but failed to make anything stick besides the guilt of quitting each time. I set forth to read the Bible cover to cover when I was 12, because I wanted to read the truth for myself as opposed to just entrusting the preacher to give me the most useful verses each Sunday. My freshman year of college I went vegetarian in an effort to bring healing to my body and mind. The universe was preparing me with brief introductions to my true path but I lacked the mindset to rise to the calling at that time.
However a shift came when I started my yoga teacher training. After graduating with my Bachelor’s degree, I felt empty and desired more meaning in my life. I admired yoga teachers I met and envied their peaceful stature. I thought, “Surely I too can reach stable happiness if I joined this community”. That was only the beginning of my journey into self-care. Through studying yogic philosophy and yoga meditation I began to allow space in my life that fostered acceptance of my circumstance and myself. Rather than continue portraying the false “Strong Black Woman” or “Superwoman” stereotypes, I gave way to my vulnerabilities and sat with them in ways that I had never done before. Shortly after completing my yoga training I moved back to Texas to live with family, accepting the truth of my situation: I could no longer afford to live in Miami with no support, transportation, or fulfilling career; I could no longer run from toxic relationships and enabling behaviors; and I couldn’t keep ignoring my exhaustion. I moved to Texas for a year, and learned to accept help and nurturing in new ways. It was my Texas version of “Eat, Pray, Love”, except instead of going across the world to find peace, I went home. I gained weight; I was fortified by my beautiful and familiar friends and family; and for the first time I took the time to take care of MYSELF. It was a drastic change from running myself into the ground working two jobs, not having a enough money to pay my bills let alone be comfortable, and having popcorn and wine for dinner before Olivia Pope made it cool. During this time I fortified my soul, and planned a life that would allow me continued peace throughout different circumstances. From there I went on to obtain my Master’s in Clinical Psychology and began working as a therapist. The journey was by no means easy, but what set this journey apart from journey’s past was my resolve to take care of myself no matter what. When I moved to Los Angeles to pursue my new life, I made a commitment to myself to continue my mindfulness journey and resolved to take care of myself in a way that allowed for vulnerability, time to rebalance, reflection, and constant growth. And organically my new profession not only gave me the tools to help others incorporate self-care into their healing journey, but encouraged me to take care of myself in order to be the best therapist possible.
This eventually turned into developing a self-care plan that works for me, which I think, is key. As a result today I am the healthiest and happiest I ever been in my life. My life is not perfect by any means, but now I have systems in place to help me cope and take time to process life’s challenges. Furthermore, my habits of taking care of myself have also helped me stay healthy and physically prepared for the busy life I lead.
I am constantly preaching the benefits of taking care of oneself because I am a living witness to how it can change your life drastically for the better. So many times we value taking care of loved ones, our dreams/careers, those in need, urgent matters, etc. However I propose a self-centered shift to evaluate, “How well am I taking care of myself?”
To learn more about ways to create your own self-care plan, click here.
By: Tiffany Shelton
– Tiffany is a holistic psychotherapist providing counseling in Woodland Hills (West Valley). She specializes in women’s empowerment related to self-esteem, self-confidence, and relationship issues. Her writing, public speaking, and teaching endeavors are dedicated to helping others elevate consciousness and well-being. Find out more about Tiffany here.
