Good Vibes Only? Staying Positive when Faced With Despair
We would all like to live our lives staying positive regardless of the circumstance, however this can be challenging. Life is going along just great, when all of a sudden disaster hits. Whether it’s not getting that job we were hoping for or experiencing a heartbreak that we weren’t expecting, life has a way of sneaking up on us. But there is a way to navigate these situations without being overwhelmed by despair. There is a way to experience calm serenity and yes even good vibes as life gives you the proverbial kick in the gut. There is a way to maintain peace while accepting and validating simultaneous sorrow. It all lies in the power of “the observer” within.
Despite our efforts to stay conscious and enlightened, life is happening. So it’s easy to understand how life’s challenges may throw us off of our flower power game sometimes. Here are some helpful tools to help you use your inner observer to stay positive.
3 Tips on Staying Positive
Use the following 3 tips to gain more control over your emotional reactions and navigate life’s ups and downs with ease.
Validate the experienced emotion while staying grounded in your calm
Whenever we experience any emotion, it is important to remember just that: WE are experiencing the emotion, we ARE NOT the emotion. This inherently means that there is an I, or a self that experiences mad, sad, or glad, and as result it does not define our being. When faced with life’s challenges like getting bad news or performing poorly, many people over identify with the emotion they are experiencing and become overwhelmed by it. However if you think about the last time you were extremely upset, paying special attention to your subjective experience, you may recall moments of calmness or non-attachment during that event. This experience is quite different than disassociation or denial, but it conveys a part of you that has accepted the event for what it is. That part of you is what many philosophers call “the observer” and however brief your consciousness of this part of you is in those moments, it is there. The key to not getting overwhelmed by any emotion is to tap into the part of you that is observing your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The next time you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of experiencing disappointment or despair, take a moment to honor what you are feeling. Don’t try to stop yourself from feeling sad, instead acknowledge what you are feeling without judgement. However the key is to also honor your feeling without attachment. Not many have the ability to identify what they are feeling, and even fewer have the capacity to acknowledge it without attaching to it. Doing both is the first step in freeing yourself from being a slave to your emotions.
Finding gratitude in the storm
After you have taken a moment to align with your inner calm and validate your emotional experience, the next step is to cultivate gratitude. I always encourage clients and friends alike to maintain a gratitude practice such as keeping a daily gratitude journal or reviewing a gratitude list with your partner before bedtime. Having a gratitude practice will help prepare you for difficult moments by creating a positive mindset to start with. But gratitude can also be used in the moment to cope when disaster strikes. I have developed two internal behaviors that are are triggered when I experience sadness and stress: 1) I try to immediately engage in some sort of breathing exercise to become present and 2) I think of 3 things I’m grateful for during the breathing exercise. Creating trigger patterns like this for stress has been shown to increase well-being and overall happiness. So operating from your calm and observant self, practice taking a mindful moment as habitual response to experiencing stress or sadness. Using gratitude in this way can drastically improve your mood and emotional health.
Safe-guard against “performance sorrow”
The final thing to do to maintain your good vibes is to realize that not everyone will have this approach to suffering. Have compassion for others that care about you and discover your challenge or misfortune. Many times out of loving and pure intentions, people will check on you with the assumption that you are devastated or crushed. Afterall many people unfortunately do not approach life challenges in a mindful way and it doesn’t occur to them that you might not need cheering up. In psychology we know that when we are faced with other people’s assumptions of us, we will unconsciously live up to their expectations. Therefore CONSCIOUSNESS is key! Stay aware of these dynamics, and when someone says “Don’t worry you will be okay”, it’s okay for your internal observer to know the truth: That right NOW, in this moment, I am already okay. There is no need to attach to sorrow to fulfill this expectation, and you will do yourself a favor to acknowledge internally that you are apart of divine chaos called life. And even in moments of despair, you can appreciate their purpose.
Living your life utilizing these tips, ultimately gives your life more meaning and fulfillment. More than resilency, tapping into your internal observer begets an elevated state of consciousness and enlightenment. Make it easy using these tips and have fun tapping into your calm super power.
– Tiffany Shelton, M.A. is a psychotherapist and consciousness expert. Her passion to elevate consciousness goes beyond the message of self-care or wellness, but instead consciously adds to these movements by demanding awakening and insight. Learn more about Tiffany Shelton by clicking here.
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